The Art of Saying “No”

Before I begin, I would like to issue a disclaimer that whatever is written below has no scientific or any other kind of research backing it up. This is solely a product of my personal observations and my own personal opinions (or to be more accurate the prattling of an idle mind triggered by a chance remark or something of the sort). And as always, anyone and everyone can feel free to disagree with them.

Saying “no” can be simple, yet so many people struggle with it, for it is one of those things that appear deceptively simple yet are much more complicated in reality. Sometimes lifelong friendships and even strong relationships are put at risk just by using this two letter tiny word. That is probably why many are wary of using it outright and have different ways of saying it.

From my observation, I have divided people into four different categories based on how they say no or don’t say no to people.

The “walk all over me” category

For this lot, it is so difficult to say no that they end up accepting everything, get pulled into situations they never intended to be in just because they could not put their foot down and refuse outright. These are the ones who are almost always at a disadvantage because others are almost always taking advantage of their inability to deny a request.

The “ready excuse for everything” category

Then there are those that use evasive techniques.

I can’t because of so and so reason, I couldn’t because so and so wouldn’t let me.

All the time trying to extricate themselves from blame by making up pathetic excuses for not doing something or not agreeing to something. These are mostly concerned with maintaining their saintly impression in others’ eyes where as they are anything but.

Then come “the thoughtful decision makers” 

These are the ones who are never hasty in giving an answer. Who like to weigh the pros and cons of their denial or agreement before deciding on what course of action to follow and once having decided would stick to it. This lot, in my opinion, is the most balanced one.  

Last but not Least is the “blunt refusal” category

Like a pro they issue a decisive and definite NO that leaves no room for argument or persuasion. Effective, but can be considered rude at times for their bluntness. They are probably not the kind of people others are comfortable to be around or comfortable asking stuff, but on the plus side they don’t get saddled into doing stuff they never wanted to do in the first place.

Now my final analysis is that it is possible to fluctuate between more than one category especially the one before and one after depending upon circumstances e.g. someone notorious for saying no might not be able to say no to a certain someone. A person usually saying yes to everyone and everything might go for excuse in the hopes of getting himself or herself out of a tricky spot. And so on and so forth.

The important question over here is not at which point on the spectrum does one exit but rather at what point does one want and chose to exit?

And yes, I believe, with a little effort and resolve one’s place on the spectrum, like one’s place in life, can be chosen.

If saying no is an Art, then all Art start with technique. And techniques can be learned, adapted or altered to mould into the shape of one’s desire.

Just needs a bit of effort and resolve to do it. But then again doesn’t everything in life.

So, in the end, it is all a matter of choice.